April 21, 2025

April 21, 2025 — 8:30pm

Dear Reese,

It’s April 21st. A day I’ve acknowledged for eighteen years as a sort of mental health, self-care, day of gratitude and joy. It’s had its evolutions over the years.

Today, it’s a day when I wear my cherry dress and make puppy chow. A tradition that I get to share with you for the first time. I give you three pieces of the puppy chow even though Google says I definitely probably shouldn’t — so much sugar — but today is about everyday joys, and a little treat feels justified.

Here’s what I tell you about today over dinner.

When I was fourteen, I was really sad. A sadness that was deep and prolonged, and it was the first time I’d ever experienced a darkness like that, which meant I thought it was going to last forever. I started thinking that maybe I didn’t want to live life, if that was how I was always going to feel.

And then, on April 21st, I made a choice that I was going to live my life and that I was going to find a way to get better.

It took time. And then I had to learn that a choice like that is one you have to make again and again. It’s hard every time.

And so worth it.

Look at you in that picture — that’s a vision, darling. My daughter crawling towards me and the puppy chow. Merlin right behind you. All those hard moments in my life, those seasons of depression, and if I’d believed what my brain was telling me — that they would never, ever end — I wouldn’t have this. I wouldn’t be your mama.

So I’m grateful, on this April 21st more than any other, for that first time I decided that I was going to figure out how to make life worth living again.

Here is another thing I tell you while you eat your cheese quesadilla:

In your life, you are going to have hard times too. And when you do, I hope you remember that there is a strength deep inside you, sometimes dormant until you go all the way down, but it is there, and it is rock solid. I believe this. I hope you discover what I did in those impossible moments: that when everything is stripped away, and you can’t find anything to hold onto, you can push against that incontrovertible strength at your core and find that you are more than enough to face anything.

If you’re like me, it will be hard to believe that strength is there when you’re at your lowest. But I promise you, it is. And knowing that, believing that, is a superpower.

I am so grateful to share this day with you. I brush the sugar off your teeth before bed.

Love,

Mama